Being a Slave Improves Me

But before I get into the main subject of the post, I want to talk about the incredible sex we had last night.

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom. We laid there and kissed for a while as I stroked His cock. Did I mention I love not having to ask to touch His dick? It’s wonderful. Okay, so anyways.. He had me get on all fours and I don’t know why, but I was extremely tight. He was having a hard time (pun intended) pushing His dick into my pussy. It hurt. I was soaking wet, but it still hurt. But once He got the head in, I shoved myself backwards, basically impaling myself. He gripped my hips and moaned loudly, which really turned me on. I love the noises He makes.

He took His time with me and was very rough. At one point He had me kneeling up so that He could bite deep into my left shoulder until I came. He had me cum over, and over again. I lost count of how many orgasms I had. But I do remember at one point breathlessly asking Him, “Are You trying to kill me?” To which He brillantly answered, “Only with My dick.” *purrs* He also had me bowing down with my ass in the air, while He had one foot planted firmly on the bed and was otherwise half kneeling on the bed. He’s very limber. Before He was done with me, He had me lay down on my stomach and I bucked my hips to meet His thrusts. He ordered me to cum with Him and by that point it hurt to cum. But in hurting, it also felt very good.

I then cleaned Him off and He scented me. We then curled up and fell asleep.

So… on to the subject of the post.

Yesterday Master and I were talking about my work ethic, and how being a slave has improved it. Because I am His slave, He has taught me that asking questions doesn’t make you look dumb. It makes you look like you give a shit, because you want to get it right. I used to be afraid to ask clarifying questions when it came to my jobs. I thought they would think I wasn’t a good worker, because I didn’t have all the answers myself and had to come bother them. But now? Fuck that. I want to get it done right the first damn time. So ya know what? I’m gonna ask damnit. And my supervisor has actually complimented me on such. He says that he is glad I ask so many questions. He says it shows him that I care about my job, and that I want to excell at what I do, and it shows that I am driven. Awesome.

My supervisor also told me that he likes how “timely” I am. Meaning that I am never late for work (hell to be honest with you I’m normally about 20 minutes early), I’m never late coming back from break or lunch, etc. This is also from being a slave. I’m supposed to be doing “x” at this time. Okay. Done. Plus Master is a stickler for being on time for things. He has passed that habit on to me. As a couple, when we’re going places, we’re usually there early because we pad our drive time in case there is traffic, or weather, or whatever.

Another reason why I feel that being Master’s slave has improved my work ethic is because I treat it as another form of service to Master. When I am in public I am representing my Master. There for, I want to make a good impression. So I try my damndest in a professional setting to show that Master hasn’t “raised” a slacker, so to speak. Never mind the fact that my supervisor and other bosses don’t know who my Husband is. That’s not the point. I am a hard worker. I am driven. I am all of these things because Master has helped build my self esteem. He has pushed me to do my best and to go for things when before I might have been to nervous to do so, because of my lack of self esteem.

That and Master is always so proud of me when I have good news that is work related. Hell, today I got an award for excellent customer service, and I felt like a little girl coming home and telling her Daddy, “Look what I got for being a good girl in class today!!!” *giggles* I enjoy making Master proud.

Three Things Meme

I haven’t done a meme in a while. I found this one at Vanilla Impaired. I don’t know why but I like doing memes. It is just hard sometimes to find one that is interesting. This one, I like. So here goes. (And yes, I know Master. This doesn’t count as my daily blog post.)

Three screen names you’ve had:

1. coyoteskitten1

2. titaniumkitten

3. my first and last name

Three parts of your heritage:

1. Blackfeet

2. German

3. Irish

Three things you are wearing right now:

1. My Eternity collar

2. A slave anklet

3. Another slave anklet (Other then these three things, I’m naked.)

Three favorite bands/musical artists:

1. WASP

2. Alice Cooper

3. King Diamond

Three things you want in a relationship:

1. True love

2. Honesty

3. Comfort

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeals you:

1. Ass

2. Arms

3. Chest

Three of your favorite hobbies:

1. Blogging

2. Web site coding

3. Reading

Three things you want to do really badly right now:

1. Relax

2. Get my butt rubbed. I don’t know why, but I like having my ass and upper thighs massaged.

3. Um. Relax some more.

Three things that scare you:

1. Having my fingernails and toenails busted off

2. Giant spiders

3. Car accidents (I’ve been in enough of them, thank you.)

Three of your everyday essentials:

1. Master

2. Caffeine

3. Computer

Three careers you have considered/are considering:

1. Customer service (my current job)

2. Web site design

3. Winning the lottery (does that count?)

Three place you want to go on vacation:

1. South Dakota

2. Colorado

3. Canada

Three things you want to do before you die:

1. Grow old with my Husband

2. Touch Devil’s Tower (which is in South Dakota)

3. Witness a Sun Dance

Three things you love:

1. Master

2. My family (human and animals)

3. Storms

Kitten Needs Her Rest

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom and laid there talking to one another about random things. As we were laying there Master kept asking me if I was tired. I was tired, but didn’t really realize how tired I was. I told Him that I wanted to keep talking. I was enjoying just laying there next to Him and speaking about whatever came to mind. One thing I thought about last night, as we did so, was that even though we have been together as long as we have, we are still randomly affectionate. I’ve seen a lot of relationships just have the affection and touching fizzle out after a few years. Sometimes before that point. But as we laid there talking we held hands. I found that very sweet. And it wasn’t anything we were really thinking about. We were just talking, and some way or another, we ended up holding hands.

Both Master and I talk with our hands. We move our hands a lot when we are talking, for emphasis. So one of us would move our hand and let go of the other’s, but then we would plop our hand right back on the other’s once we were done. It made me smile. This type of thing happens all the time, but I don’t always notice it because it is second nature with us. So when I do, it makes me stop for a moment and smile to myself.

About a half hour later Master told me to get undressed. I paused for a moment because I thought He wanted to make use of me. He saw the pause, and I’m sure figured out why. He started to gently take the outfit off of me and said, “Don’t worry Kitten. You need your rest. You’re not disappointing Me.”

It was the “You’re not disappointing Me,” part that made me relax. I know He takes such things as getting enough sleep as a health concern. And I know that such is very high on His priority list. But even with that, it makes me feel like I’m letting Him down because I’m tired, or because I’m not feeling well. So when He just straight out tells me that He is not disappointed, it helps me relax and keeps me from beating myself up over something I can’t control.

Today work went pretty well. I got out of work about 45 minutes early. I got home before Master did. He had gone to have dinner with His mother and wasn’t back yet. He got home about 15 minutes after I did. We relaxed and I took my shower. I put on a backless dress and we exchanged backrubs while watching a movie. It is getting late, so half way through the movie I asked Master if I could hop online and do my blog post for the day. I’m so looking forward to next week. I work an earlier shift on Monday then usual. Then I have off Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Whoo-hoo! Four day weekend! And a much needed one at that.

Today Dragged On.. And On..

And on.. and on.. and… well you get the idea. Today felt like one of those days that just would not end. Master and I had been rather blah last night. We still did our nightly routine, but we just weren’t syncing up totally because we were both really emotional. This morning I got up and got ready for work. Master was awake, and I wished Him luck at His job interview.

On my lunch break I called home and talked to Him. Apparently, it wasn’t exactly an interview. It is for a job at UPS. They gave a tour of the building, explained the job duties, wages and benefits. Things like that. They then gave Him a card to call if He was still interested in the job. So, even though they told Him that this person wasn’t in the office today, He called and left a voice message and then shot off an e-mail just to make sure. He is interested in the job. And so I hope He gets a call tomorrow and that they can schedule an interview rather quickly.

Work just dragged. I felt like it would never be 9p.m. I don’t know why today was like that, but it was. When I did get home from work, Master was sitting at the computer and we ate dinner and talked for a while. I took my bath and put on my striped outfit. We are probably going to watch a movie and exchange backrubs tonight.

Master’s XBOX 360 should be here on Friday. I’m personally hoping it arrives sooner then that. And I’m also hoping it isn’t one of those situations where they show up when we just happen not to be home and then we have to make arrangements to pick it up. That would suck.

Other than that. I’m just kind of sore and tired. Not a very exciting post, huh?

Hard Day

Last night and today have been very hard on both Master and myself. Him and I have been going back and forth on this subject for a while, internally. Tealy, the blue and gold macaw that we had adopted from a friend of ours is no longer living with us. When we adopted her we were told that she was slightly aggressive towards females. We accepted that fact. We brought her home, we loved her very much, and we worked with her. She has always taken to Master. I worked with her to try to get her to trust me. And honestly, for a while, it seemed like we were making progress. She was still touchy about me… didn’t always want me to touch her.. but other then that was okay.

But recently, over the past four months, she had been becoming more and more aggressive. I couldn’t walk past her cage without her lunging at me with her beak. I couldn’t clean her cage, I couldn’t feed her, I couldn’t change her water. She was still fine with Master. We tried to work around it and have Master “distract” her by playing with her while I did such things. That worked for a little while. But then she caught on and still showed that aggressive streak. She had also been showing her distaste with my being near Master.

Last night she lunged and tried to bite my finger. Her beak is extremely strong and could easily sever my finger clean off. Master and I sat down, and I cried my eyes out. We had been doing research on places where we might take her if we couldn’t stop this behavior. I was the one who had brought up wanting a bird. I was the one who suggested it. I felt like utter shit.

This morning Master woke me up before my alarms went off and told me that He was taking her to an avian sanctuary. He asked if I wanted to come with. I got up and got ready. I cried the whole way there, while we were there, and after we left. Master told me it was for the best. And I know it is. But it hurts. I miss her, even though she didn’t like me. I loved her.

They told us that she will most likely remain at the sanctuary due to her age and the fact that she is so aggressive towards females. But we know that she is well taken care of, and will have a long and happy life there.

I still had to go to work today. I really didn’t want to, but since I am still in my first 90 days of employment, after 2 call ins.. on the 3rd occurrence I get fired. I’ve already had one due to that dentist fiasco. And my first 90 days aren’t done until September. I can’t risk my job. It is a damn good job, and I need it. I kept to myself together and just kept to myself all day. I cried on every break I took.

When I got home from work Master and I sat down and talked. We know we did the right thing for her. Having me around was aggitating her, stressing her out. And that is just not healthy for her. I shall miss her and she will always have a place in my heart.

So now it is Master, myself, the dog, and the three rabbits.

Broke In The Chair

After I was done writing last night’s blog post, Master told me that I had to go take my bath. I knelt at His feet and was looking for some affection. He smiled down at me as I nuzzled His chest. He leaned forward, so I knelt upright. He brushed the hair from my neck and started biting me. I placed my hand on the back of His neck, not forcefully, but basically as a way to beg Him to not stop what He was doing. In return He wrapped His arms around me. I always feel so docile when I’m wrapped up in His arms. He has strong, powerful arms.. and I feel so small and defenseless in them. *purrs* When He stopped biting my neck and shoulders He kissed me and I moaned softly, leaning into it. Our tongues slid across one another’s and I had this floating feeling. Gods, do I love kissing that man of mine.

He cupped my ass in His hands as we continued to kiss and lick and breathe into one another. He broke the kiss long enought to say, “My slut is going to be ripe for attention tonight, isn’t she?” To which I could only smile. I was ripe right then and there. So I said, “Yes Master.” He continued to paw at my ass and lower back for a few moments. So I looked up into His eyes and asked, “So… would You like to fuck me before or after my bath.”

His response was to snap His fingers and to tell me to stand. I stood up. He told me to turn around. I did. He played with my ass a bit more and then grabbed my hips and pulled me down onto His cock. He was sitting in His recliner. We had thrown out His old one and moved the one that no one ever sat in, which is now His. I planted my feet firmly on the ground, keeping my legs together. Is it just me, or is it really hot when you’re getting fucked with your legs closed or crossed? Mm. He always comments on that. He tells me that I can’t keep Him out no matter if my legs are open, closed, or crossed. I love it. He kept His hands on my hips for a while, rocking me slowly back and forth. He told me that since I was technically still “on top” I could cum when I wanted to. At first I just enjoyed the slow movements, and in this position it was like I could feel every throb and twitch of His cock inside me. And on the downward thrust His nuts seemed to cup my clit, which felt incredible.

He let go of my hips and allowed me to move how I wanted to. He then continued to play with my ass. I know He loves it when my ass is facing Him. He loves the view. Not that He doesn’t when I’m facing Him, but He is an ass man and sometimes (most?).. He seems obsessed with my “tail”. *giggles* I’m not complaining.

I felt Him lean back further into the chair and then He grabbed my hips again and pulled/pushed me up and down very quickly. I came over and over again. I had about five orgasms, one after another and He then filled me with His cum just as I reached the peak of my fifth. He allowed me to sit on His lap for a few moments longer. I then “dismounted” and knelt in front of Him to clean Him off. I took my bath and we relaxed the rest of the night. We exchanged backrubs and then went to bed.

Today we made plans for another one of our friends to come over. Shortly after I got off the phone Master asked what I wanted to do until about 5:30p.m. which is when our friend should be here. I kind of shrugged. He said, “Well a blowjob would kill about 20 minutes.” He allowed me to finish my cig, and then without further prompting, I knelt in front of Him and took His cock into my mouth.

I got Him hard and then tilted my head up. Again, He was sitting in His recliner. The angle my head and neck were at is difficult to do, because my neck and my shoulders get stiff rather quickly. But I know how good that feels to Him, and it seems like His cock goes deeper. So I stayed how I was. He shot His load down my throat and I knelt back after I swallowed and streched my neck. Daddy could see that my neck was bothering me so He had me turn around and quickly worked on my neck and upper shoulders, making them relax.

So yeah. The “new” recliner is officially broken in now.

Writing this post has gotten me all worked up again. I wouldn’t be surprised if when I get out of the chair there is a small puddle left behind.

Also, I want to break one of my “rules” No! It’s not what you’re thinking. I had always told myself that I would never get a “man’s” name tattooed on my body. Never, ever, ever. I want to break that rule. I want my Master’s name on my body. And I want Him to design it for me and help me figure out where to place it. I brought it up to Him today, and He did not object. We don’t have the money for tattoos right now, but I’m sure we can save up the money and then go to a tattoo parlor. That is as soon as we find one we want to go to. The one we used to go to has shut down after over 50 years, because the owner retired. Sucks. But we’ll figure it out.

Yay For Saturdays Off

Last night I was very tired. By the time we popped in a movie, and I passed out on the floor, I had been awake for 20 hours. That’s what I get for getting up at 7am and then going to a friend’s house for so long. So Master allowed me to just sleep. And then today… He allowed me to be lazy and I slept until 12:50p.m. Whoo-hoo!

After He woke me up we cleaned up the apartment a little and made some phone calls. For the rest of the day basically, we just chilled around the apartment. Our friends that we visited with last night came over around 8p.m. We played Magic and had a shot of Jack Daniels. After they left about.. oh.. 10 minutes ago… Master told me that I was to do my blog post, then shower. No meditation tonight because it is already midnight and we’re both just kinda blah today due to the heat from the past few days.

So all and all it’s been a good day. It is really weird having a Saturday off. I feel like I have to go to work tomorrow because I’m so used to having one day off, work the next day, and then have another day off.. since I normally have Fridays and Sundays off.

Master has a job interview on Tuesday. So I’m excited about that. Other then that, not a whole hell of a lot going on today.

Giving Head Make Me Horny

Last night after I was done with my blog post Master had me fetch the restraints, robe tie, nipple clamps and a vibrator. I did as I was instructed and then met Him in the living room. He had me kneel on my slave mat after He put on the restraints. I had both of my wrists cuffed, my ankles, and my thighs. He attempted to put the nipple clamps on but that just wasn’t working out. I think they might be broken. Who knows. So He tossed those to the side. He then put the vibrator inside me and told me that I was not allowed to cum. He left the room for a minute and came back with a blindfold. He put the blindfold on me and then used the robe tie as a gag.

He stayed close for a little while and told me that He would always be in the room, and that I was going to kneel there for at least a half hour for my slave meditation. I was glad that He said He was going to stay in the living room. I don’t know why but if I’m left alone and I’m bound and blindfolded for an extended period of time, even though I know He’s home and is checking on me, I start to panic a little bit. Which defeats the purpose of the meditation. I remember right before He slipped the blindfold on, the last thing I saw was His hard cock. He had moved away from me (I could sense that much) but He surprised me when He wiped His fingers on my mouth and His fingers were sticky. At first I thought it was my own juices, from when He slipped the vibe in. But He soon told me that it was His pre-cum. I tried my best to open my mouth just enough to get a taste. I remember Him laughing. He told me that seeing me like this got Him very excited, and a taste of His pre-cum was my reward.

He then let me be. A few times He would ask if I was okay and I would just nod my head and then drift back off into my meditation. I focused on Him, and Him alone. When He came over and took the gag off He rubbed the head of His cock against my lips and my immediate reaction was to open my mouth. He forcefully shoved His cock down my throat and fucked my face for a little while. He apparently meant for it to be a tease. He stopped suddenly, sat down, and told me I could undo my restraints and take off the blindfold. I did so. I then crawled over to where He was sitting and took His twitching cock into my mouth once more. He instructed me verbally on when to change pace and when to keep doing what I was doing. I moaned and sighed as I sucked His dick.

He came in my mouth and I swallowed every last drop. He then told me to go take my bath. We then exchanged backrubs and I put on a bodystocking that He really enjoys. By the time we retired to the bedroom I was still dripping wet. To the point where my inner thighs were coated. It was wonderful.

We watched porn and then He shut it off and I asked Him to eat me out. He allowed me to cum and then fucked me really hard. It was all I could do to keep myself from screaming. I was hyper sensitive, very tight, and floating. He allowed me to cum many times before using me for His pleasure alone.

After He filled me with His cum, I cleaned Him off, and then we passed the hell out.

Today I had to work, but thankfully I have the next two days off. This post is being made so late, because we went to a friend’s house and ended up staying there until about 1a.m. So now I’m off to go take a bath and then spend time with my Master.

Beautiful Buttefly

I just wanted to do a quick blurb here… My butterfly tracker, pertaining to how long it has been since I have been punished, is back. Last time I only made it 12 days. But I’m making a lot more progress now. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to add the ticker back in or not. In a way I like knowing how long it has been. It is encouraging in a way, and also it keeps things in perspective. Ya know? On the other hand, it is hard to remove it every time I fuck up. But, hey. That just helps keep things in perspective even more doesn’t it?

Yep. Well, anyways.. the way I figured out the date is by reading Master’s blog and I found the date that Master said the punishment was no longer hanging over my head. Granted I got in trouble the very same day, but I was not pusnished. Not that I enjoy getting in trouble. But Master and I spoke and we are doing much better now.

Tomorrow I’ll be posting about how tonight went. For now I’m going to go enjoy spending time with my Daddy.

Slave Meditation

As you may already know if you read my Master’s blog, He has instated new (old??) rules. After my bath last night, I had put on a mini dress and was sitting on my slave mat. Master called me over to His chair. I knelt in front of Him and He told me that He wanted to put some new rules into affect. In the past I used to have to crawl everywhere unless 1) I was carrying something or 2) I had asked permission to walk. He put this into effect shortly after I had moved in. I don’t exactly remember when or why, but He stopped having me follow that rule. After that I would only crawl when I was feeling extremely docile, or He out right ordered me to. Master feels that this would help me keep my mindset where it should be. And so He is reinstating it. And I don’t know if it is because it used to be a rule, or what, but I have had no problem “remembering” to ask permission to walk, or just getting down and crawling on my hands and knees.

Another thing Master wants to put back into effect, is my slave meditation. Before we were living together He used to have me meditate on my slavery, and what it means to be His slave, to be Owned by Him.. Once I moved in, that rule fell to the sidelines as well. For a while after I moved in He would still, from time to time, have me kneel in a specific position for about a half hour or so just to be “on display”, as it were. So that is going to start back up as well. He did not have me do such last night, but I think that was because by the time He brought it up it was rather late and we were about to watch a movie.

Today, however, once I got home from work and we had finished our errands Master told me that I would be eating dinner, doing my blog post, doing my meditation, and then taking my bath. So tonight will be my first meditation in a very long time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve meditated since then.. I meditate often. But not solely on my slavery. Which is what these meditations will be focused on. I love this idea. Meditating has always done my mind, and body, a lot of good. And I remember how it used to feel to just meditate on my slavery and on Master. It was relaxing.

During these meditations I used to think only of Him and of my service to Him. Not exactly a mantra… my meditations are usually more visual rather then verbal. And when I say visual, I mean mental pictures. Not what I was actually looking at with my eyes.

He also told me one more little tid bit. Something I never thought He would do in a million years. For as long as I have been His slave, I have always.. and I mean always.. had to ask permission to touch His cock and/or balls. Whether it be with my hands or my mouth. That was one of the first rules put into effect. He is now lifting that. I’m sure my eyes looked like they were bugging out of my head when He first said that. I remember Him chuckling after He said it. He explained further. He told me He was lifting this so that He could judge my moods more effectively. I’m not totally clear on if this is to gauge my level of being horny or playfulness. But I must admit that I’m thrilled with the idea. There have been many times over the years where I just wanted to reach out and grab His crotch. And sometimes it kinda sucked because it would blow the “surprise” factor by having to ask permission first, which sometimes kind of killed the mood to just grab. Obviously.

Master said in His most recent post that He had talked to me rather than at me. And it’s true. Lately He had been talking at me when it came to my service to Him. And it had been somewhat confusing, because He has always talked to me. I thought it was because of my flip flopping, mentally, on the subject. His word as always been law, but He had always talked to me, and explained, and allowed me to ask questions. But for a while there, it felt like that had been taken away. Not totally. But I was hesitant to ask questions or voice my opinion on “x” because I didn’t want Him thinking it was “back talk” or my being bratty. I felt this way because I didn’t want Him thinking I was questioning my service to Him. Because I wasn’t.

See what happens when the path of communication gets blocked? Ack. It’s a fucking mess. Thankfully that has been completely cleared up. You think we would know better after this long, but hey.. live and learn. Not to mention the fact that we aren’t perfect.

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom and He fucked me hard, and I took advantage of the “no touchy” lift. And this morning, when I got up to go to work, even though I was still tired, I had a huge smile on my face. And today I have felt more at peace and more calm then I have in a while now. I’m grateful that Master had thought of all of this, and had taken charge of the situation we were in and is guiding me. Not that He wasn’t before, but I feel this is a … better approach… I guess is the only real way to put it.

Insert Clever Post Title Here

Last night Master and I were watching a movie. It was kind of late, and I was comfortable on my slave mat. I ended up falling asleep on the floor in the middle of the movie. I had not been sleeping well the two nights before. So I think my body just found the “off switch” and I passed out. I remember Master waking me up just enough to pick me up off the floor and tell me to grab onto Him. I remember wrapping my arms around His neck and Him carrying me to the bedroom, very gently placing me on the bed and then I don’t remember much until He climbed into bed and curled up with me. I remember having a feeling of comfort and safety wash over me when His hand locked around my wrist. Then I was out like a light again.

I woke up this morning and got ready for work. I kissed Master goodbye as He continued sleeping and then left Him a note. It was one of those mornings where I woke up knowing I just wanted to stay home and be with Him all day. So I told Him that in the note. I headed off to work. We are way ahead in our training schedule. So it is going well. I was joking with my supervisor that my head is going to explode soon because this is my 5th training class in 6 months. He came back with, “You asked for this class.” To which I could only say, “True enough,” and laugh. Seriously though I think it is going very well.

As I was leaving work it was starting to rain. It looked like a bad storm might be on it’s way. Just as I sat down in my car, my cell was ringing. It was Master. (He has such good timing with things like this.) He told me to take it easy coming home, in case the storm did break fully before I got home. He said that if it got really bad I was to pull over, call Him, and wait for Him so I could follow Him home. I didn’t need to do that, because the rain kind of petered out about 10 minutes into the drive home.

Once I was home I told Master about my day, and then talked to my mom for a while. After I got off the phone I knelt in front of Master and He leaned down and sucked on my nipple and played with my clit for a while before slapping me on the ass and telling me to get dressed. He took me out to dinner and we had a really nice time.

When we got home He allowed me to take a nap. When He woke me up from my nap He told me to go take my bath, and I then put on a mesh mini dress. Master spoke about changing some things around the apartment, in regards to me in His latest post, which you can find here.

Only two more days, and then I get the whole weekend off. Yay!

A Slave’s Apology

Yesterday, after I had pissed Master off, He ignored me. I would try to go up to Him and nuzzle His leg, but He would send me away and go back to doing what He had been doing. Needless to say, this hurt. It hurts when He turns me away, when He won’t look at me, when He won’t pay me any mind. Hence why it is highly effective.

At first I wasn’t sure what to do, after He turned me away time and time again. I knew saying I was sorry wouldn’t do a damn bit of good. At one point He was on the computer watching videos. I knelt at His side for quite some time. I only asked questions about what were on the screen, He would answer me, and then I would go back to being the mute kitten kneeling at His side.

Finally, a thought struck me. I knelt up, with my knees far apart, my arms above my head and crossed at the wrists, my back arched, and my head bowed low. I stayed that way and He did not say anything and it didn’t feel like He was looking at me. So I stayed that way.

He eventually asked if this was my way of apologizing, and I nodded my head. He cupped my chin in His hand and lifted my head. He told me that I need to stop doing these things. Stop having sudden outbursts, stop misbehaving. I nodded and felt like I was going to cry. But I didn’t. I held that back.

After that He started talking to me and interacting with me. We played cards and then exchanged backrubs before going to sleep.

I know that everyone has bad days. And I know everyone has mood swings. But gods damnit my having bad days or mood swings, or whatever the hell else, is just not working at all. When Master is having a bad day, nine times out of ten I will just stay out of His way and/or try not to annoy Him further. That’s what I’m supposed to do. I’m the slave, I’m supposed to make His life less stressful.

Now I’m not saying that I’m not allowed to have bad days or anything like that. But I used to be a lot better at controlling it. At not letting it come across as bitchy, bratty, or disrespectful. What the fuck happened? It seems like I can go long stints without doing such things, and He praises me and He loves it. And then, for a while I just keep fucking up. Again. And again. To the point where (obviously) He starts looking at me like I’ve completely lost my grip on how I should be acting. Like I’ve tossed my training of 5 years right out the window. And then I feel like shit, and He’s pissed off. Fun. Yeah, that makes for a joyous Master. *snort*

And I’m not going to say He’s not being Dominant enough, so I’m acting out. That isn’t the case. And I’m not going to blame it on stress and finances.. although there is an abundance of that around here. I’m not going to blame it on a long day at work. I’ve been working on and off since I was 15. Granted I’ve had periods of time where I didn’t work at all, because well.. I didn’t have to. And I’ve had much worse jobs then this one. (Hell, all my past jobs were worse then this one.) And I didn’t act this way. We’ve been worse off, financially speaking. So this is on me. My mood, my lack of will power to stop and think about what the fuck I’m saying and/or doing. I won’t say it is a lack of commitment because I am committed to Him, and to being His good girl.

I can hear Master in the back of my head going, “Yeah slut. That’s good and all. Now start showing it.”

“Mercy”

I think I had mentioned that Master had bought two new CDs not that long ago. Well, if I didn’t.. um… He did. My favorite band in the whole wide world is WASP. Master took me to see them in concert once, and although it was a standing room only, hole in the wall bar.. (gotta love big name bands doing bar crawls) it was honestly one of the best concerts I’ve ever been too. I still remember that night very vividly. Master introduced me to WASP. And one of the new CDs He bought was called Dominator, by.. you guessed it.. WASP. This is one of the songs from that album. It’s called “Mercy”. Give it a listen.

Is it just me or is Blackie Lawless (the lead singer) one of the most talented vocalists ever?

7am Comes Really Early

Yesterday I had the day off, and Master and I spent it at home. We played Magic cards, watched a movie, and I gave Him a blowjob. When we retired to the bedroom, I worked on His back for a while. It was really stiff and has been bothering Him. When I was done working on His back, He pulled me to Him and I winced. He asked me what was wrong and I told Him that my lower back was bothering me, like it usually does when I’m on my period. So He asked if I wanted Him to work on my back. I didn’t really want to ask, to be honest, because I knew His back was still really tender. But He asked again, and so I said yes. He worked on my back and then we curled up and fell asleep around 2:30am.

I had set the alarms for 7am. Master wanted me to reset the alarms for Him for 9am. For whatever reason I woke up at 6am, and then at 6:40am. Initially at 6:40am I thought, well I should just get up. But then the other part of my brain said, “Hey. Twenty minutes is twenty damn minutes.” So I fell back asleep until my alarm went off.

I got up, reset the alarms for Him and then got ready and went to work. As I walked into the training room the trainer of the class told me I was a half hour early, to which I replied, “Yeah, I usually am.” Ya never know what traffic is going to be like, and so I always leave really early for work.

It went pretty good, although by the time I’m used to first shift I’ll be back on second. That reminds me, I have to talk to my supervisor about a shift change. I’ve been on the wait list for a while now. I think I should bring that up.

When I got home from work Master was sitting on the couch reading. He had me read His blog and then told me He was going to go hop in the shower and shave. Once I was done reading His posts I went to the bathroom door and asked Him if He wanted me to kneel. He told me no, then asked me what I wanted to do tonight. So we talked about that for a while. He then told me to put a pizza in the oven, and then from there I could do a blog post or put resumes out for Him.

I put the pizza in the oven. I then sat down at the computer, and logged into WordPress. I had told Master I was a bit dizzy, so He told me to make sure my blood sugar was okay. So I grabbed some crackers. I started checking some blogs, unwinding a bit before I started on my blog post.

He came out of the shower and said that I was doing neither of the things He had told me to do. Then told me that He should stop praising me online. He had put chicken in the microwave, and was taking apart some Magic decks. So I got up to get it. I was grabbing a couple of papertowels, and He said something about me burning myself on the plate, and then got up, grabbed two papertowels Himself and grabbed the plate. He told me to use the papertowels for my pizza.

So I tossed the papertowels on the counter and plopped back down in front of the computer. He asked me what that was about, and asked if I was in bitch mode. I told Him no that I had been trying to help. I had a tone. He told me that He really had to stop praising me online, because it seems everytime He does I get myself in trouble again.

He also told me that if I was expecting much attention tonight I could think again. And told me that I should have the 200 lashes, that it has been to long since I felt the sting of the belt.

I need my tongue surgically removed.

Magic The Gathering

Last night when we were at our friend’s house everyone ended up talking about a game called Magic The Gathering. It is a card base game that you can play with two or more people. It was popular when I was in Jr. High, but I never touched it. I would watch other kids play it, but never tried it myself. That is, until I met my Master. He taught me the game and I’m not that bad at it. He lets me use His decks, since I don’t own my own cards, and even if I did I wouldn’t know how to put a deck together. But His decks kick ass, so no big deal there.

Him and I haven’t touched that game in quite some time. I’d say over a year? But we still had the decks laying around. I guess the conversations from last night strirred some things up in Master, and He wanted to play again. So we did that today. He built all new decks, so they are taking some getting used to, but they work rather well so far.

We might be going to that friend’s house again tonight to play some games, but we have no idea just yet. He might be getting out of work early, he might not. And I’m on first shift all this week.. so not sure how late I should really stay up.

I never really thought I would get into the game, but it’s a lot of fun once you learn it. Now one thing I can never even imagine myself getting into is the pen and paper games. Um, no thank you. But Magic? Yeah, I’ll play. I may get my ass kicked.. because everyone else we know has been playing a hell of a lot longer then I have.. but I’ll still have fun with it.